Wonky Everything

October 2, 2006 at 9:21 am 16 comments



Just as quickly as it turned cold, it is now warm again. Officially, we can’t call this week in the 70’s and 80’s “Indian Summer”. To hold that title, you must have the warm temperatures after a killing frost. We’ve had frost, but just the bullying kind, not the murderous stuff.

Lee Redmond, 65 years old and current holder of the Guinness Book of World Records for longest nails. Twenty four feet, Seven inches. Yuck. Can you imagine? How do you wake up one day 27 years ago and decide to get your 15 minutes of fame by growing claws? I don’t even mean that as unkindly as it sounds. This seems like a really nice lady, how much has she limited her life by choosing nails as a way to get recognized?

My assistant is home with the flu. This is unacceptable on many levels. Mostly I’m worried about her. She has about 1,500 hours of sick time which is the clearest indicator I can give you for how rarely she takes off work. She has two living relatives, her mother who’s in a nursing home and her husband. I can’t even fathom what that would be like – no aunts, no cousins, no children. Makes me think of that old Beatles song, Elenor Rigby.

My friend Waldo sent me this joke, which reminded me so much of our three year old, I decided to share it:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little gir lsaid, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

Enough rambling, even for a Monday.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

The Calm After The Storm Stunned into Writer’s Block

16 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dr.John  |  October 2, 2006 at 10:22 am

    What a picture to see just after I cut my nails. Now I will never be famous. Of course mine had a little way to go but I was started.

    Reply
  • 2. Kat Campbell  |  October 2, 2006 at 12:02 pm

    LOL! You don’t want to get famous that way Dr. John! Icky!

    Reply
  • 3. DaveM  |  October 2, 2006 at 3:12 pm

    Let me guess who does the washing up in that family? Do marigolds make custom gloves?

    Reply
  • 4. Sunflower Optimism  |  October 2, 2006 at 3:56 pm

    Loved the joke, but the nails creep me out! I would think that much weight on my fingers would hurt. Can you imagine all the things she CAN’T do on her own? Let’s not go there, LOL.

    I hope your assistant feels better soon.

    Reply
  • 5. Stacy  |  October 2, 2006 at 5:38 pm

    Geez…I can’t do a lot of stuff when my nails grow out to “normal” length. With nails like that I’d be an invalid.

    Reply
  • 6. patsy  |  October 2, 2006 at 7:05 pm

    hurrah for the child!

    Reply
  • 7. Kat Campbell  |  October 2, 2006 at 8:41 pm

    Dave – the newspaper didn’t say who helped around the house, but did say she’s cutting them off now because her husband has Alzheimer’s.

    Sunflower and Stacy – the nails creep me out too. Mine are long enough now that I make a jillion typing errors so off they go!

    Patsy- I cheer with you, bravo for kids who know who they are and where they come from!

    Reply
  • 8. FRIDAY'S CHILD  |  October 2, 2006 at 11:59 pm

    Gosh! How can that woman do anything with such long nails. Never mind the fame but I wouldn’t want to have such long nails.
    Thanks for stopping by.

    Reply
  • 9. Hayden  |  October 3, 2006 at 1:04 am

    Wonder who zips those tight leather pants for her.

    Reply
  • 10. Kat Campbell  |  October 3, 2006 at 7:29 am

    Excellent observation Hayden, I do wonder who zips those pants…

    Nice to see you Friday!

    Reply
  • 11. The Rev. Dr. Kate  |  October 3, 2006 at 7:32 am

    I have always been vain about my hands and my fingernails, but now I am seriously thinking about cutting mine off. They are long, but not so long that I can’t fend for myself and take care of my kids!
    Loved the joke – leave it to a child. They always get all the levels of what’s going on!

    Reply
  • 12. Kat Campbell  |  October 3, 2006 at 8:00 am

    I know how you feel Dr. Kate. That shocked me into trimming mine up a little too!

    Reply
  • 13. Jackie's Garden  |  October 3, 2006 at 1:45 pm

    OMG! WHY WHY WHY would anyone want to do And she looks so normal and nice, too. Go figure.

    Cute joke! I like mouthy kids…they grow up to be witty adults!

    Reply
  • 14. Jackie's Garden  |  October 3, 2006 at 10:11 pm

    I don’t mean to be catty (well, not too much anyway) but it’s plain to see why she can’t do anything with that hair! LOL

    Reply
  • 15. Kat Campbell  |  October 4, 2006 at 6:39 am

    Jackie! LOL, a living example of all things in moderation!

    Reply
  • 16. The Foo  |  October 10, 2006 at 2:07 pm

    how in the world do the simple stuff… eat, wash her face, blow her nose etc. What if she has an itch on her back ?… that would kill me not to be able to scratch ;-). personally don’t think my nails are even capable of growing that long.

    Reply

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