Rerun – Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio

January 14, 2007 at 5:50 pm 13 comments

Its still too scary to come out and write something new, the winter reruns continue.  This from March 2006. 

From time to time I convince myself that I’m far too sophisticated and worldly to continue living in this small town in Ohio. My wisdom and sense of style is lost on these bumpkins.

Then I’ll hear something about rednecks from comedien Jeff Foxworthy, who I not only find funny, but more often than not suspect of stealing material by eavesdropping on my life. Now he’s really gone and done it…. “You might live in Ohio if….

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio: You may be from Ohio (pronounced ah-hi-uh) if:
> a. You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange! Except us stylish, sophisticated ones, we think all pro teams wear yellow…go Steelers!
b. You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.
c. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
d. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones. It just isn’t Christmas without ‘em!
e. “Toward the lake” means “north” and “toward the river” means south.”
f. You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohioas soon as they open their mouths.
g. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine,Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati.
h. “Vacation” means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deerhunting in the fall.
i. You measure distance in minutes. Hey! How else do you account for delays by deer?
j. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
k. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
l. You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
m. You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.
n. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:”Where’s my coat at?”
o. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
p. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
q. You carry jumper cables in your car. Doesn’t everyone?
r. You know what ‘pop’ is.
s. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
t. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
u. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.
v. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. We insure our kids get their 15 minutes of fame early.
 

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Entry filed under: Reruns.

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13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Hammer  |  January 14, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    My grandmother is from Ohio and since I’m from Missouri, I can relate to almost everything on that list. When I first moved to Texas and asked for a “pop” everyone looked at me like I had six heads.

    Reply
  • 2. Stacy  |  January 14, 2007 at 10:44 pm

    Western Pennsylvania butts up against Ohio, so I guess that explains why so much of that list applies here, too.

    Reply
  • 3. Davem  |  January 14, 2007 at 11:19 pm

    n] sounds very familiar. South Walians often use “over by there” or “it’s by here”…or something like “who’s coat is this jacket by here”

    Reply
  • 4. Gawpo  |  January 14, 2007 at 11:36 pm

    Ha! Read the entire thing with a big smile. My teeth are still frozen. Excellent idea reprising like that. Came on in Oct ’06 and haven’t dug in the archives. Very funny. I’m still smiling! You made my day, Kat.

    Reply
  • 5. another kat.  |  January 15, 2007 at 12:27 am

    I truly enjoyed stumbling across your blog.

    Wonder if Foxworthy does one about California…

    kat.

    Reply
  • 6. katcampbell  |  January 15, 2007 at 1:57 am

    Hammer – When I was a kid in California we called everything “coke”. I still can’t get used to calling soft drinks Pop.

    Stacy – Yup, you’re just an Ohioian closer to the Steelers.

    Dave – Oh No! Rednecks in the UK? How discouraging.

    Gawpo – I’m so happy you enjoyed it! Jeff Foxworthy cracks me up no matter what he’s talking about.

    Another Kat – Welcome! I hope you’ll be back, we not only share names but home states (I’m a transplant to Ohio).

    Reply
  • 7. John Linna  |  January 15, 2007 at 2:16 am

    Ohio sounds like Upper Michigan

    Reply
  • 8. jackie  |  January 15, 2007 at 4:22 am

    Having never been to Ohio – I’ll have to take your word for it, Kat. I think Jeff Foxworthy is a riot, these are cute.

    Reply
  • 9. Shelli  |  January 15, 2007 at 4:36 am

    Are you sure he wasn’t talking about Minnesota? I get teased by Southern bloggers all the time about what I call soda. Everyone knows that it is called pop.

    Reply
  • 10. Mimi  |  January 15, 2007 at 7:13 am

    k applied to me. But I was not in a redneck town. Just one that gave all the money to the high school with the winning football team.

    Reply
  • 11. katcampbell  |  January 15, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    Dr. John – Maybe it should have been Jeff Foxworthy on the midwest? Another example of how much we are all alike…Americans.

    Jackie – He always makes me laugh. Redneck jokes are just funny!

    Shelli – Minnesota too? Jeepers! Soda just sounds weird, doesn’t it? Well…so does pop for that matter.

    Mimi – Ugh… my town too, the football team has everything in their wildest dreams just because they won a state championship in 1977…nothing since, but, hey, dreams die hard.

    Reply
  • 12. NMOTB  |  January 18, 2007 at 1:11 am

    Apart from the heat, we too have been getting alot of rain at night (It is raining now too). Glad to hear you are well!

    Take Care

    Reply
  • 13. Janet  |  January 18, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    hey! I thought everyone pronounced it “O-hi-owa”! That shows Foxworthy isn’t from Ohio.

    Reply

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