Confessions of a Certified Dork

January 31, 2007 at 5:22 am 26 comments

I am a dork.  I can’t help it, I think that dorkiness is something that’s genetic and since all my siblings are insufferably cool, I got ALL the dorky genes. 

Two weeks ago  Bri and I were going to the school to watch Jazzmin cheer.  I put my digital camera in my purse on top of the day planner, overstuffed wallet, check book, an inch of receipts and half a desk drawer of pens (most of which have no ink).  It had been raining for several days in a row and was really cold that night.  Briauna and I were freezing to death so we ran to the gym and found seats.  I looked for my camera and couldn’t find it.  Not in my purse, not in my coat pocket.  Jazz’s squad came out, still no camera, I figured I left it at home, and stopped worrying about it.  Two hours later we got back in the car to come home and there was the camera laying on the floor board by the gas pedal.  That would be dorky enough, but no, I am the Queen of dorks.  It was laying in an inch of water that had blown in through the crack in the window that I forgot to roll up.   I miss my camera.

There is a button between the driver and passenger  seats that operates the rag top on my car.  When the top is up it hooks into these things by the visors, so if you push the button it makes this ungodly noise and all the windows go down.  Every now and then I forget to tell Jazzmin to hold my thirty pound purse on the way to school and I stick it between us on the console.  Inevitably, sometime on the way to school, I will forget and lean on my purse which pushes the button and starts the ungodly noise, sending me careening off the side of the road before I figure out what it is.  I have done this so many times that the grandgirls now immediately take my purse out of my hand when we get in the car and Bri stores in the backseat.  How pathetically dorky. 

I raised a houseful of girls.  With girls come barrettes, scrunchies, ribbons, bows and all kinds of other girly hair things.  We usually had so much of it laying around the house when all the kids were home that rather than run back and forth to the bathroom putting it away, I’d continue my sweeping, vacuuming, dusting…whatever and stick these objects randomly in my own hair until I got around to cleaning the bathroom.  This is dorky enough, but it’s me…queen.  On the day the previous Mayor decided to ask me to be his running mate, he came to my house on a Saturday afternoon with two councilmen.  We had a lovely conversation in the library complete with formal tea.  After they left, I went to the bathroom and there was my hair, standing on end, full of barrettes, rubber bands, combs and scrunchies.  Apparently they thought it was some kind of fashion statement. 

I’ve set the kitchen on fire not once, but twice, because I can’t throw away a jar candle until I’ve melted that last inch of wax and the water runs out of the double boiler. 

I dare you to try to outdork me.  I’m sure whatever dorky thing you may have done, I’ve done it twice. 

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Time in a Bottle My Next Husband Must Be a Nerd

26 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Hammer  |  January 31, 2007 at 6:04 am

    I’m not going to try to out dork you. But I do silly absent minded things like put my wallet and keys in the refrigerator, sometimes When I’m cleaning I’ll put on several hats and pairs of sunglasses I find around the house, kind of like yor hair clip thing.

    Reply
  • 2. Mr. Fabulous  |  January 31, 2007 at 7:31 am

    I’m a dork too, and I really think that dork is the new cool. So embrace your dorkiness! Be proud!

    Reply
  • 3. sunfloweroptimism  |  January 31, 2007 at 8:22 am

    Long live the dorks!

    Did the Mayor still want you as a running mate? LOL

    Reply
  • 4. Jay  |  January 31, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    RIP your camera.
    It’s really sad that our pretty things have to pay the price for our (your) dorkiness 🙂
    AT least it had a good life.

    Reply
  • 5. katcampbell  |  January 31, 2007 at 4:06 pm

    Hammer – Wise move buddy, I’m sure you don’t have the dork gene.

    Fab – I must admit you have channeled your dorkiness into quite an empire. Proof that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

    Sunflower – He did, we won, I’ve been stuck in this day job for 12 years. So I must ask the question…was he really my friend?

    Jay – The corpse still resides on my desk. A painful reminder that I’m a hazard to technology and other delicate things.

    Reply
  • 6. Gawpo  |  January 31, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    My dork comment is in the blog before this one. I have to get used to WordPress having you enter at the top of the page, rather than at the bottom. But since we’re on the topic of time passing in that last one, well, yes…..I do wish I had had kids sometimes. Had I met the right person, I would have. It’s all good, though. At least I get to be the uncle every mother hates. My current mission is teaching Bonnie Baby how to pick both nostrils simultaneously. Hope Cindra doesn’t read this.

    Reply
  • 7. katcampbell  |  January 31, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    Gawpo – You wicked man! And Cindra will kick your butt once she does read this….

    Reply
  • 8. Mike  |  January 31, 2007 at 9:06 pm

    I ran into a garbage can and had to go to the emergency room for a tetanus shot.

    Reply
  • 9. The Rev. Dr. Kate  |  February 1, 2007 at 12:05 am

    I don’t think it’s “dorkiness.” I think we have so many things going on all at once that we just can’t remember it all and these are things that result when we hit “tilt” on the processing scale. My purse always turns on the heated seat in my car which is actually fine with me, but my older son hates it and wants to know why I can’t remember to turn the seat off. “Because, silly child, I don’t remember turning it on because it came on unintentionally.” You know how it goes!

    Reply
  • 10. katcampbell  |  February 1, 2007 at 1:47 am

    Mike – One dorky incident does not a true dork make.

    Dr. Kate – Spoken like one of the cool people. But I still like ya.

    Reply
  • 11. QuillDancer  |  February 1, 2007 at 2:07 am

    You want to talk about dorks? I was here this morning, read this, then wandered off without leaving a comment.

    Reply
  • 12. rel  |  February 1, 2007 at 2:59 am

    Kat,
    I concede, you win. I bow to the Queen dork. On the other hand I’m a man, so you have to allow me to come in in the top 10, 😉
    I miss your camera too.

    See ya in Boston.
    rel

    Reply
  • 13. katcampbell  |  February 1, 2007 at 4:18 am

    Quilly – You can be Dork Princess.

    Rel – Being a man does you qualify you for inclusion in the dork community, but I’m not sure about top ten. Ahhh…you miss my pictures of dogs with babies and endless decorating? You are a true friend!

    Reply
  • 14. John Linna  |  February 1, 2007 at 4:31 am

    You can be head dork if you want but my wife and I are high on the list of misplacement dorks. There isn’t a day that goes by that we aren’t missing something that we puut away some where.

    Reply
  • 15. Nessa  |  February 1, 2007 at 4:39 am

    I love the image of you meeting with the Mayor with clips and stuff in your hair.

    Reply
  • 16. katcampbell  |  February 1, 2007 at 6:16 am

    Okay Dr. John, you and Betty can be dork minions.

    Nessa – Thanks so much for your support.

    Reply
  • 17. Mimi  |  February 1, 2007 at 7:33 am

    Your not a dork! Just a busy woman with important things on her mind. We all do that kind of stuff. Just some of us more than others. Believe me I have my fair share…..

    We all have caught ourselves putting the cereal away in the fridge and the milk in the pantry. But I caught myself putting a poopy diaper in the sink and the dirty dish in the trash.

    The worst was driving up my moms drive way which is a big hill. When I got in the garage I took the keys out of the ignition, got Cubby (my dog)in my arms and started to get out of the car. The car started going down the hill. I realized I forgot to put the car in park. I could not get in the car to stop it cause it was moving too fast. And I was worried of putting Cubby down and him getting run over by the car. So it continued to go back until the open car door that I never got the chance to shut got caught on the side of the garage. You would think that would have stopped the car and saved the day. But no. The car door ripped the wall off the side of my moms garage and continued to go down the driveway hill. Luckily there is a big pine tree at the bottom of the unbusy road. I called my mom at work and asked her how much she loved me.

    Reply
  • 18. Jackie  |  February 1, 2007 at 8:06 am

    Okay, Kat, you win. I have my moments – but I can’t compete. (Love the ‘visual’ of the hair goodies – I’ve done that!)

    Reply
  • 19. katcampbell  |  February 1, 2007 at 8:46 am

    Mimi – I’d like to adopt you. I think you are probably the Kat of your generation.

    Jackie – Nobody has been able to out dork me ever, but Mimi is running a very close second.

    Reply
  • 20. Catch  |  February 1, 2007 at 8:59 am

    I am laughing so hard thinking of you having a tea with the mayor with all that stuff in your hair!!!! Too funny! Sounds like something I would do!!!

    Reply
  • 21. cindra  |  February 1, 2007 at 9:10 am

    Sweetie-don’t you know that we dorks rule the whole flippin’ planet? Just imagine how boring it would be to be constantly efficient and graceful…ew.

    Reply
  • 22. katcampbell  |  February 1, 2007 at 9:21 am

    Catch – Of course you found this funny, we dorks are used to being persecuted by you cool people.

    Cindra – So true, the pressure is immense.

    Reply
  • 23. Linda  |  February 1, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    I do dorky stuff all of the time. I think parenting has sucked the brain right out of my head. I love the hair bow thing. I can just picture it! If we weren’t so dorky, what would we have to laugh at.

    Reply
  • 24. smileymama  |  February 1, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    Oh, I’m glad I’m not the only one who puts all the clippies and barrettes in my hair when I’m cleaning! Never had the Mayor stop by, though….however, I did once store two freshly made gingerbread houses, complete with jellybean hedges and m&m rooftops and candy-cane holding gingerbread men in the front, all on plaatic trays, into my cold oven to set for awile (well, we have cats)…then proceeded to preheat for dinner a few hours later…We had to spray the resulting oven-fire with an extinguisher and then clean goopy plastic drips and burned gingerbread residents from the oven grill…..(To this day I joke about the Gingerbread Fire Bigade..my 3 girls don’t think that’s funnay at all)….
    I think I could be a Dork-in-Waiting in your royal Court of Dorkiness!?
    -T

    Reply
  • 25. katcampbell  |  February 1, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    Linda – You are sleep deprived with Sophia and Nicholas, any dorky thing you do until they’re 18 is absolutely not your fault.

    Smileymama – I keep the leftover pizza in the oven and set the box on fire at least once a week. But the gingerbread house tops that. You are definately on the list of successors to my crown! That was so funny!

    Reply
  • 26. Janet  |  February 3, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    After all that, the Mayor still wanted you to run?!

    I think you get the gold medal in the dork Olympics.

    Reply

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