Archive for February 9, 2007

Unwelcome Guests and a Trashy Cat

We’ve had our share of weird animals here in the house of perpetual remodeling.  We once had a cat who was attached to a pacifier.  Crazy thing would take them right out of the mouths of babies any time it got a chance. 

There was the night a bat flew in the house.  That was interesting… our three idiot cats dived under the couch, our five big mouthed kids dived behind the couch.  I don’t remember what I was doing, only that Pap was real brave until the bat flew right at him, I’ve never seen a man drop to the floor so quickly. 

When the trashy neighbors next door moved out, a rat came over, up through my basement and right into my bathroom while I was taking a bath.  I’m not sure where that rat went, but I nearly beat holes in the walls with the plunger trying to get myself out of the bathroom without the sneaky, disgusting rodent touching me. 

Today, it was worse.  Isobelle, Princess’s cat, is in heat.  Since she’s a completely indoor cat, she wasn’t having much luck taking care of business, and was making a perfect nuisance of herself roaming around meowing with such distress the grandgirls demanded to know what was wrong with her.  I told them she was wishing she had a husband.  

Tonight, Pap was away referring a basketball game.  Princess was studying, and the grandgirls were cleaning their room.  I was editing a book in the library, minding my own business, when I heard the recycling basket rattle, I looked up to yell at the dog (he likes to rub his back on that basket)  and there was a oppossum…running for the laundry room with  Isobelle in close pursuit.  A screaming, weepy, anxiety attack later (I just hate creepy, crawly rodents, insects or reptiles), Princess took her exercise band and headed to the laundry room to deal with the opposum.  I asked her what she thought she was going to do with an exercise band and she said “Have YOU ever been snapped with one of these things?”.  Lots of drama while we four girls discussed what to do about the invader in the laundry room.  I was very clear about the fact that I was shutting myself in the den until Pap came home.  So Princess and Briauna stomped their way to the laundry room which scared Isobelle into the library and the opposum down the basement stairs. 

We all trooped back to the den just in time to see my stupid dog attempting to make a woman out of the cat.  Jazzmin says “Well, I guess Isobelle found her husband.” 

Just when everyone had calmed down, Pap came home and asked Princess to throw a shirt in the washer for him while he took a shower.   She walked in the laundry room,  flipped on the light and screamed loud enough it made the dog bark…the opposum was back.  Pap comes running with a towel around his waist, I run back grabbing a mop on my way.  Ruger runs by me, still barking and scares the stupid thing to the stairs where it stops and rolls over playing dead.  I can’t believe they really do that….anyway.  Pap goes to pick it up, Princess yells “Dad!  Don’t!  You’re supposed to use a towel!” which startles him and makes him bump his head on the door frame.  He says “I don’t need a $*!*& towel, bring me a hammer!” 

That’s where I just had to put my foot down.  I mean, come on, he’s bigger than this tiny little opposum, just pick the thing up and throw it outside.  Jeesh.  I said as much so he bent over to pick the thing up and let out one of those reverberating drumroll farts.  Princess starts laughing and says “Who needs a hammer, you just gassed the thing to death.”  The words were not even completely out of her mouth when the opposum rolled over and fell off the step. 

I couldn’t take any more at that point.  Pap went to the basement and reported that the opposum was in a corner under the stairs and he’d deal with it tomorrow.  In the mean time, he blocked the basement door so it couldn’t get back upstairs.  I’m on my way to the couch with a cold compress.  Princess has gone to bed on the second floor where its safe from her crazy family.  Isobelle is giving the dog the look again.  Jeesh. 

February 9, 2007 at 8:58 am 30 comments

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