Unwelcome Guests and a Trashy Cat

February 9, 2007 at 8:58 am 30 comments

We’ve had our share of weird animals here in the house of perpetual remodeling.  We once had a cat who was attached to a pacifier.  Crazy thing would take them right out of the mouths of babies any time it got a chance. 

There was the night a bat flew in the house.  That was interesting… our three idiot cats dived under the couch, our five big mouthed kids dived behind the couch.  I don’t remember what I was doing, only that Pap was real brave until the bat flew right at him, I’ve never seen a man drop to the floor so quickly. 

When the trashy neighbors next door moved out, a rat came over, up through my basement and right into my bathroom while I was taking a bath.  I’m not sure where that rat went, but I nearly beat holes in the walls with the plunger trying to get myself out of the bathroom without the sneaky, disgusting rodent touching me. 

Today, it was worse.  Isobelle, Princess’s cat, is in heat.  Since she’s a completely indoor cat, she wasn’t having much luck taking care of business, and was making a perfect nuisance of herself roaming around meowing with such distress the grandgirls demanded to know what was wrong with her.  I told them she was wishing she had a husband.  

Tonight, Pap was away referring a basketball game.  Princess was studying, and the grandgirls were cleaning their room.  I was editing a book in the library, minding my own business, when I heard the recycling basket rattle, I looked up to yell at the dog (he likes to rub his back on that basket)  and there was a oppossum…running for the laundry room with  Isobelle in close pursuit.  A screaming, weepy, anxiety attack later (I just hate creepy, crawly rodents, insects or reptiles), Princess took her exercise band and headed to the laundry room to deal with the opposum.  I asked her what she thought she was going to do with an exercise band and she said “Have YOU ever been snapped with one of these things?”.  Lots of drama while we four girls discussed what to do about the invader in the laundry room.  I was very clear about the fact that I was shutting myself in the den until Pap came home.  So Princess and Briauna stomped their way to the laundry room which scared Isobelle into the library and the opposum down the basement stairs. 

We all trooped back to the den just in time to see my stupid dog attempting to make a woman out of the cat.  Jazzmin says “Well, I guess Isobelle found her husband.” 

Just when everyone had calmed down, Pap came home and asked Princess to throw a shirt in the washer for him while he took a shower.   She walked in the laundry room,  flipped on the light and screamed loud enough it made the dog bark…the opposum was back.  Pap comes running with a towel around his waist, I run back grabbing a mop on my way.  Ruger runs by me, still barking and scares the stupid thing to the stairs where it stops and rolls over playing dead.  I can’t believe they really do that….anyway.  Pap goes to pick it up, Princess yells “Dad!  Don’t!  You’re supposed to use a towel!” which startles him and makes him bump his head on the door frame.  He says “I don’t need a $*!*& towel, bring me a hammer!” 

That’s where I just had to put my foot down.  I mean, come on, he’s bigger than this tiny little opposum, just pick the thing up and throw it outside.  Jeesh.  I said as much so he bent over to pick the thing up and let out one of those reverberating drumroll farts.  Princess starts laughing and says “Who needs a hammer, you just gassed the thing to death.”  The words were not even completely out of her mouth when the opposum rolled over and fell off the step. 

I couldn’t take any more at that point.  Pap went to the basement and reported that the opposum was in a corner under the stairs and he’d deal with it tomorrow.  In the mean time, he blocked the basement door so it couldn’t get back upstairs.  I’m on my way to the couch with a cold compress.  Princess has gone to bed on the second floor where its safe from her crazy family.  Isobelle is giving the dog the look again.  Jeesh. 

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Entry filed under: critters, funny.

Snow Days When Good Kids Go Funny

30 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Catch  |  February 9, 2007 at 11:14 am

    And I am just rolling on the floor here….lol. WHat a funny story! You should have been a comedian! Great post Kat!!! Im still laughing!

    Reply
  • 2. hammer  |  February 9, 2007 at 11:27 am

    That is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!

    Reply
  • 3. hayden  |  February 9, 2007 at 11:57 am

    Waaaaaaaaay too funny!

    I get skunks in the basement every winter. Had to learn to get an energy efficient light and let the thing blaze night and day to keep them out.

    Beats calling the exterminator and having them make the thing spray, and SURE beats waiting for spring and a crop of stinky babies born down there.

    Reply
  • 4. DaveM  |  February 9, 2007 at 12:13 pm

    Sounds a great time Kat….who the hell wants to live in a boring, deadpan, nothing happening house. I bet the kids love it, lots of stories to tell their friends. Its when you go to the parents evenings and you read some of the stories they have written that you realise how memorable for them events like these are.

    Reply
  • 5. another kat.  |  February 9, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    wild kingdom…right there in your home…

    way too funny

    Reply
  • 6. Mr. Fabulous  |  February 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    This post had me in stiches! Thank you! I needed a good laugh to start my day!

    Reply
  • 7. sunfloweroptimism  |  February 9, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    Kat, this was so funny, at your expense unfortunately. This city girl would have made a beeline to the nearest hotel, for the duration.

    Reply
  • 8. Linda  |  February 9, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    That was hilarious! We generally don’t get any kind of animal invaders other than those we actually brought in the house. I would have to say that an Oppossum would definitely creep me out.

    Reply
  • 9. QuillDancer  |  February 9, 2007 at 7:17 pm

    Laughing too hard to comment!

    Reply
  • 10. LauraJ  |  February 9, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    You gave me a laugh when I most needed it! Thank you so much! I want to come live at your house. So much excitement! I’ll bring the popcorn and giggle at all your antics. I’m just glad for the girls sake that Pap didn’t lose his towel!

    Reply
  • 11. John Linna  |  February 10, 2007 at 4:04 am

    That was a great story. I could just see everybod running ev ery which way. Don’t pick on Pap. When I worked as a deckhand on the Ore Boats a bat flew down into our quarters and you should have seen those big tough men running and covering their heads.

    Reply
  • 12. katcampbell  |  February 10, 2007 at 5:20 am

    Catch – It was so ridiculous it was funny to us too.

    Hammer – Big guy like you would have been of use around here last night.

    Hayden – If I had to choose between skunks and Opposums, I’ll keep my opposum. That has to be the vilest smell in the universe.

    Dave – I don’t mind just a little less action than this, but overall you are correct. Fodder for the blog at the very least.

    Kat in CA – How nice to see you! You never come by when I’m being wise and insighful, only when all my dorkiness is hanging out.

    Mr. Fab – High praise, indeed, from the King of Comedy. I wish I could just pull funny out of my head like you do instead of having to suffer the indignity of living this madness.

    Sunflower – If I wasn’t desperately poor at the moment, that’s exactly where I would have spent the night!

    Linda – They are the creepiest things! That big long snout, and ratty looking tale. Ugh, the only thing worse would be a mole.

    Quilly – Thank you for your sympathy and support…:>)

    Laura J – Glad I could be of some help. You hang in there sweety.

    Dr. John – I really shouldn’t be picking on Pap, he atleast TRIED to get the bat out of the house, I was locked safety in the bathroom. Hey! I had very long, thick hair at the time!

    Reply
  • 13. QuillDancer  |  February 10, 2007 at 7:56 am

    Kat — anytime! 🙂

    Reply
  • 14. Janet  |  February 10, 2007 at 9:17 am

    My, you sure do lead an interesting life! Better you than me, I’m happy to say. 🙂

    Reply
  • 15. Jackie  |  February 10, 2007 at 6:13 pm

    Kat, if you’d tried to MAKE UP a story, you couldn’t have come up with one this funny! Those grandgirls must love life at your house…never a dull moment. Poor Pap, always at the ‘butt’ of things.

    Reply
  • 16. J.  |  February 10, 2007 at 7:08 pm

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  • 17. Stacy  |  February 10, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    FOX should follow you around with cameras all day. It would be the next hit reality show!

    Reply
  • 18. frothingatlemouse  |  February 10, 2007 at 9:50 pm

    Oh happy days. This is tooo funny! Maybe that possum was related to the one who scrambled out of our recycle bin. What’s up with those critters?
    Also, they can get nasty if cornered, so maybe get a trapping cage?

    Reply
  • 19. The Rev. Dr. Kate  |  February 10, 2007 at 10:12 pm

    I am laughing so hard I can barely type! This sounds like something that would happen at our house – where the skunks live under the bush by the front door. At present, my older son and I have decided we don’t really want to identiy the animals making the noises in our walls – they sound bigger than mice or rats. So we have just put out rat poison and are hoping whatever it is dies BEFORE the deep freeze ends so we don’t have to smell it decaying in the walls. Swear to God, I am NEVER buying an old house again!
    Do let us know what type of a litter the cat delivers in a few months – perhaps you’ll have a paternity situation to rival Anna Nicole’s – quick – send Entertainment Tonight and CNN to Kat’s house!

    Reply
  • 20. bobciz  |  February 10, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    You have to start selling tickets to the circus in your house. Wild animals and clowns everywhere. What’s not to like.

    Reply
  • 21. Nessa  |  February 11, 2007 at 4:43 am

    This was the funniest damn thing I’ve read in a while.

    Reply
  • 22. smileymama  |  February 11, 2007 at 6:11 am

    Oh, my, goodness……..laughing so hard, my ribs ache….do you EVER have a dull day?!?
    -T

    Reply
  • 23. Velvet Sacks  |  February 11, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    Omigod, Kat, this post is hilarious! I watched a Steve Martin movie last night, so the whole time I was reading this, I was picturing Steve Martin in the role of Pap. This chain of events in your home was as funny as anything I’ve ever seen in a movie. I can just imagine the laughter in the theater when the camera cuts away to a shot of Isobelle with the dog.

    Reply
  • 24. Gawpo  |  February 13, 2007 at 4:15 am

    HA!!!!! What a total riot! That was your $10,000 Family Home Video, Kat. I just have to ask: Is the ‘possum okay? Did she survive what Sadam Hussein tried to do to an entire race?

    Reply
  • 25. delmonti  |  February 13, 2007 at 7:36 pm

    Oh dear….. I think I’ve wet myself! that was so so funny

    Reply
  • 26. Cathy Nitchey  |  March 15, 2007 at 9:36 am

    Great blog, good job getting it all together 🙂

    Reply
  • 27. weendHeewly  |  November 13, 2007 at 9:32 am

    All Naked Celebs
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    Reply
  • 28. naisioxerloro  |  November 29, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    Hi.
    Good design, who make it?

    Reply
  • 29. Bloggers for Charity - War Child « kat’s random thoughts  |  February 20, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    […] Unwelcome Guest and A Trashy Cat    An opossum invades the house and the cat puts the moves on the dog. […]

    Reply
  • 30. Sara  |  February 27, 2008 at 10:00 am

    Oh my word! You’ve made me laugh tonight! We just removed an oppossum from the basement tonight (with the help of animal control) and I don’t think five of my six children will sleep. I however will go to bed giggling from your story and keep everything in perspective. Delightful story!

    Reply

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