If Leaving Me is Easy

March 17, 2007 at 5:33 pm 26 comments

You see, I’d heard the rumours, I knew before you let me know
But I didn’t believe it, not you,
No you would not let me go
Seems I was wrong, but I love, I love you the same
And that’s the one thing that you can’t take away but just remember…
If leaving me is easy,
Then coming back is harder…

 An old Phil Collins song I thought would never relate to my life.  When I’m wrong, I’m very wrong.  The week that was supposed to be spent editing and writing, was used instead to search for apartments.  To wander this old house trying to decide what will fit the new place and what won’t.  What I need, what is his, what is mine…I’m tired and I can’t cry.  It seems like there should  be a river of tears when two people who’ve spent a quarter of  a century together split up.  The sun should stop shining, the earth should…just….stop….spinning. 

I’d like to run cross country to my parents house.  Lay down in the guest room and let sister-mom take care of  me for awhile.  Shuffle around the house like a little old woman.  Spend afternoons walking the beach.  But there are many who depend on me.  There is much to be packed, stored, sold, given away.  There’s still a day job to go to, a book to finish, a new baby on the way.  I’m tired.  I wish I could cry. 


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

The Over Scheduled Life Ya Got To Have Friends

26 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jackie  |  March 17, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    Oh, Kat, I am so sorry. Sometimes life just sucks – there’s no other way to describe it. But you are one strong woman and you WILL get through this. Just remember to take care of yourself while you are taking care of everyone else. And to let others help you. The tears will come in time…releasing and cleansing ones.

  • 2. Nessa  |  March 17, 2007 at 7:16 pm

    Oh, wow, I’m so sorry, too. What Jackie said is very good advice (which I know none of us take at the time.) You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • 3. hammer  |  March 17, 2007 at 7:43 pm

    Sorry Kat…Hoping things get better for you.
    You’re in our thoughts for sure.

  • 4. Gawpo  |  March 17, 2007 at 9:41 pm

    When I first started reading, I thought you were launching into a short piece of fiction. That’s just what it all seems like though, doesn’t it?

    I am new from your experience and empathy abounds.


    There. I said it for you.

  • 5. Gawpo  |  March 18, 2007 at 3:20 am

    Just came back to stroke your forehead and hug you.

  • 6. Jackie  |  March 18, 2007 at 3:42 am

    Ah, Gawpo, you are so sweet! (Nice to see THAT side of you!) Sometimes that’s all we can do for each other, isn’t it? Just stroke a forehead and give a hug.

  • 7. John Linna  |  March 18, 2007 at 4:52 am

    Are you sure it’s over? Can you get some counseling or some help. Don’t rush. Take your time.

  • 8. The Rev. Dr. Kate  |  March 18, 2007 at 4:57 am

    You are in my prayers. Take a deep breath and get through each day just one step at a time. A quarter of a century is a long time and it will take time to move through this. Your blogger friends are here to listen and to support you with our love and prayers. Please take extra good care of yourself right now.

  • 9. katcampbell  |  March 18, 2007 at 5:12 am

    Thanks Jackie. I am a strong woman, that’s part of the problem I think.

    Nessa & Hammer- No such thing as too many thoughts and prayers. Thank you.

    Gawpo – Thanks for the colorful vocabulary and the hug. He is a sweetie, isn’t he Jackie?

    Dr. John – This would be the third time we’ve been to counselling. I know they say 3s the charm, but not for Pap and me. He has issues I can’t fix.

    Dr. Kate – One day at a time is the hard part. If ever there was a time when helter skelter running seemed in order, its now.

  • 10. bobciz  |  March 18, 2007 at 5:41 am

    Kat, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could just make it all better. Do what you have to do to be happy and know that all your blog friends are here to support you no matter what.

  • 11. betty  |  March 18, 2007 at 5:51 am

    I am so sorry. I was only the parent and I hurt for my son.As the others have said one day at a time and take care of your self.

  • 12. Catch  |  March 18, 2007 at 9:12 am

    Oh Kat, I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say…maybe it would be best for you to go to Mom and sister for a while (even for a week) and just be with them because they love you. I dont care who is depending on you…right now you need to take some time for Kat. Just keep this in mind Sweety…there is life after divorce. You will be happy again, you will see the sun shine…God bless you Kat, I am praying for you.

  • 13. QuillDancer  |  March 18, 2007 at 9:15 am

    Kat — you are in my prayers. When the tears come, for a short time you will wonder why you wanted them, but then the healing will begin. It will take time. Be patient with yourself, and for a change, take care of you.

  • 14. MrsJoseGoldbloom  |  March 18, 2007 at 9:19 am

    I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. As you know I’ve struggled with that myself recently. If you need to talk or vent please email me and I’ll help in any way I can. Take Care!

  • 15. DaveM  |  March 18, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    I too was surprised when I read all the way through. I thought you were writing a piece of fiction. Dont really know what to say, I am not very good in situations like this and as you have tried counselling and thinking it through as those are the things I would have said.
    Sorry to read about it, and it is very sad after all these years as you can never put the other person out of your mind completely as you have both influenced each other and you are what you are now because of each other.

    Just look out for yourself, because from what you have written here, you spend a lot of time looking after others. Take care.

  • 16. hayden  |  March 18, 2007 at 10:38 pm

    kat. I’m so sorry. hang on, girl. In time you’ll find new doors to open that are closed as tight as a secret right now. the miracle of a new life will be yours. you’ve tried hard to make it ok, but you can’t fix those that will not repair themselves.

    I’ve often been asked how I could have left my x after 23 years. the only answer was – it had to be, it was time.

    hugs to you, let the tears flow when you’re ready.

  • 17. frothingatlemouse  |  March 18, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    Kat I am so sorry. Twenty five years is a huge investment. But, you’re still you and strong and have tons of peeps who love you. Bless you. And take care of yourself first of all.

  • 18. Velvet Sacks  |  March 18, 2007 at 11:10 pm

    Kat, I’m so sorry! I was married twice and didn’t have 25 years wrapped up in both times together.

    This is going to be an upheaval for the whole family. The good news is that all those things you have going on in your life will keep you putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, whether you always feel like it or not.

    And I know exactly what you mean when you say being a strong woman is part of the problem. My second husband said to me, when we sat down calmly to discuss the possibility of divorce, “As the years have gone by, you’ve begun to make more and more of the decisions for the family. The truth is your decisions were better than mine would have been…but I still resent it.”

    That same strength will see you through this. I’ll keep you and yours in my thoughts.

  • 19. Linda  |  March 19, 2007 at 6:41 am

    I have seen my mom go through this three times in her life (four if you count a live-in boyfriend), so I know that there is nothing that I can say to make the pain go away. I hope that things go as smoothly as possible for you. I will be thinking of you.

  • 20. smileymama  |  March 19, 2007 at 7:52 am

    Kat. Sorry to hear. Sucky, sucky, sucky. I’ll be thinking of you too. Like you said, there is no such thing as too many thoughts and prayers, so count me in. Rooting for ya.

  • 21. Mr. Fabulous  |  March 19, 2007 at 3:49 pm

    I am so sorry to hear this, my friend. My God, this sucks. If I can do anything to help, please please let me know.

  • 22. Janet  |  March 20, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    I’m shocked. I can’t imagine what you must be going through, and I know that you can get through it. I think that the “one day at a time” saying might be trite, but it’s true.

  • 23. J.  |  March 23, 2007 at 7:20 pm

    I’m so sorry I haven’t been around lately. I’ve completely missed all of this!!!
    I’m in shock hon. I’m so sorry.

  • 24. sunfloweroptimism  |  April 1, 2007 at 9:16 am

    Oh, dear Kat, I’ve been gone for awhile but have come back to sad and difficult news for two of my blogger friends.

    I know you have tried all that you can and done the best you can. I know you will get through this. Be kind to yourself. I will be thinking of you and praying for you – we are all here for you.

  • 25. Gela Words  |  April 18, 2007 at 5:03 am

    OMG, what the hell happened? I’ve been scrolling thru the posts!

  • 26. Gela Words  |  April 18, 2007 at 5:12 am

    Kat. I don’t even know what to say. First I read your post about you living else where and wondering what’s up, started scrolling through the posts only to come on this one. I’m so sorry Kat. Wish I could hug you. I hope you’ll find joy again soon. Hugs.


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