Archive for June 6, 2007

Duty

They look at me over the hospital bed with their bright young eyes, breathless with the details of their sparkling new adult lives.  The five of them have matured into quieter methods of pleading for their way, but they may as well be throwing themselves on the floor in the same kicking, screaming fits they threw as toddlers…they want something I don’t want to give them.  Pap is in the hospital once again, an infection in his leg this time.  As a diabetic, he has to be on top of his health, he has to take care of himself and he doesn’t.  Its been determined by my children that Pap can’t take care of himself, so someone must take care of him…and they believe it should be me. 

While I hesitate to say happy, I can say I’m content in my new single life most of the time.  When I finish writing this and whip back the comforter on my bed, it will smell like cherry blossoms, a scent Pap called “too girly” for sheets.  All four pillows are mine.  My clothes have plenty of breathing room in the closet.  I listen to what I want, watch what I want and have the time to plod toward my dream.  I didn’t go into nursing for a reason.  The children know better than to call me selfish, but they get those tight  lipped little frowns that tell me they’re thinking it. 

I wish I could be one of those women who’s husband and children were their be all, end all.  But I’m not.  They are my treasures, and I was a devoted and proactive wife and mother, always believing  that the kids would grow up someday and I’d have a chance to chase my dream.  THIS IS MY TIME.  this is my time. 

Eight more days of things exactly the way I like them.  Then they will release Pap from the hospital and he’ll move in here.  Not because we’re madly in love, but because of duty.  I’ll fake happy, and treat him well and that will be good enough to Pap.   Somebody has to take care of him.  

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June 6, 2007 at 8:30 am 26 comments


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