Dust to Dust

November 6, 2007 at 3:18 am 21 comments

My father-in-law passed away Thursday after a long illness.  He was not a nice man to many people (usually female) and a pillar of kindness and concern to others.  He leaves behind a widow, five kids, fourteen grandkids, five great grandkids and scores of nieces, nephews and cousins.  He and I were not friends.  While he occasionally treated me with the same kindness and respect I showed him throughout the twentysix years I’ve been married to his son, more often he didn’t.  I’m sad only to the extent that people who loved him are feeling his loss.  The old guy spent the last few years of his life languishing in a recliner or having bits of him amputated due to complications from diabetes.  I wouldn’t wish his last  days on earth on my worst enemy.  

 Pap, on the other hand, was very close to his father.  He is devastated.  His job this week was to  take care of his mother, provide all the people between two towns (3 hours apart) who wished to pay their last respects an opportunity to do so and get his father into the ground in such a way that his descendants could begin their grieving process with the proper closure.  Pap was amazing at his job.  So while I couldn’t cry for the loss of a father-in-law I spent more time with than my own father but knew no better than a distant uncle…after the twenty-one gun salute, and ceremony by the Masons, just as the piper playing Amazing Grace walked out of sight over the lonely hill above the grave, I cried for my Pappa Bear. 

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The Oogie Factor The Collective Short Story

21 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lauraj  |  November 6, 2007 at 4:00 am

    (((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

    Reply
  • 2. katherine.  |  November 6, 2007 at 4:12 am

    watching someone you love going thru the death of a parent…sigh….can really REALLY tug at your heart.

    sending you and Papa Bear (and all his fam) warm thoughts.

    Reply
  • 3. Mr. Fabulous  |  November 6, 2007 at 5:00 am

    I went through this not too long ago with Mrs. Fab’s dad.

    We’re thinking of you guys.

    Reply
  • 4. Jamaican Dawta  |  November 6, 2007 at 5:11 am

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I feel for your family, especially Papa Bear. May God comfort and strengthen you all at this time. You’re in my prayers.

    On another note, would you be willing to be the next writer in the Collective Writing story?

    Reply
  • 5. hammer  |  November 6, 2007 at 7:51 am

    It’s always tough to lose a family member. Not only for yourself but for the way it affects others as well.

    You have my condolences.

    Reply
  • 6. Diesel  |  November 6, 2007 at 8:04 am

    Sorry to hear about your family’s loss, although it sounds like this may be a bit of a relief for you. And at least his suffering is over.

    Reply
  • 7. DaveM  |  November 6, 2007 at 11:38 am

    Papa Bear needs you the most now.

    Reply
  • 8. Absolute Vanilla... (& Atyllah)  |  November 6, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    I send you my thoughts and commiserations. It hurts so much to watch our loved ones grieve.

    Reply
  • 9. QuillDancer  |  November 6, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    My condolences to Pap — and to you, because it is harder to to watch someone you love suffer then it is suffer yourself.

    Reply
  • 10. katcampbell  |  November 6, 2007 at 4:06 pm

    Thanks everyone.

    Reply
  • 11. stacy  |  November 6, 2007 at 9:06 pm

    I did not like my father-in-law, either, and it was so hard to listen to his daughters portray him as the next best thing to God through out his illness and after his death. I had no grief of my own, but I cried because they hurt and mostly I cried for my husband who never did make peace with his dad.

    Reply
  • 12. Shameless  |  November 7, 2007 at 4:34 am

    Sorry to hear this, Kat,; but it sounds like it was good you were able to comfort your man. Take care.

    Reply
  • 13. Jon M  |  November 7, 2007 at 5:58 pm

    Another moving post Kat! Will say a little prayer.

    Reply
  • 14. colleen  |  November 7, 2007 at 7:35 pm

    Second hand grief? Loss connects us and is translatable to so many other losses.

    Reply
  • 15. J.  |  November 7, 2007 at 8:00 pm

    Love and hugs to you, girlfriend.
    I’m sorry.
    xoxoxox

    Reply
  • 16. hayden  |  November 7, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    so sorry to hear this, Kat. it always amazes me that people can be so different in their behavior towards different people – I saw it in my own family. Bless your clarity of vision and precision of word for being able to define this so simply, and with such dignity. (((((((HUGS)))))))

    Reply
  • 17. bobciz  |  November 8, 2007 at 5:53 am

    I, too, had a father-in-law who had few redeeming qualities, but when he died I grieved for my wife and her loss. A death in the family is never easy. All we can do is move on. My condolences to Pap.

    Reply
  • 18. guyana-gyal  |  November 8, 2007 at 5:55 pm

    When you love someone, and they’re in pain, you feel it real bad too. Sending you lots of healing vibes.

    Reply
  • 19. Gela Words  |  November 11, 2007 at 6:39 am

    *Big hug* you kind person you.

    Reply
  • 20. Mimi  |  November 16, 2007 at 2:36 am

    I wish I knew what to say.

    Hugs and love!

    Reply
  • 21. Janet  |  December 7, 2007 at 8:43 am

    I’m sorry for Pap’s loss.

    Reply

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