Somethin’ To Talk About

January 21, 2008 at 6:33 pm 19 comments

Pap and I had some alone time this weekend, a rare and unusual experience.  It was so cold even the grandgirls didn’t want to come out of their own houses to visit mine.  So there we were…just the two of us…a ticking clock the only thing disturbing the deafening silence. 

We’ve been married for 26 years. I couldn’t believe with all that shared experience we didn’t have something to talk about!   We’ve always had talking going on, what have we been yakking about all these years?  So I asked him that.  Pap is a contemplative kind of guy, so while he was formulating his answer I mentally edited the first three chapters of the book I’m writing. 

“Kids”.  He finally said.  “We’ve always talked about kids, what kids are doing, where kids are,  what kids need…” 

Well that’s just pathetic.  We both have very active, complicated lives!  We have jobs, committees…lots of grown-up stuff.  We have tons of friends, obviously we both have something to say.  I told him that and while he thought of a response I mentally paid all the bills and reformulated the budget because I really, really need a new couch. 

“There’s this new program at work…” he finally began.  I did my best to listen attentively, but the fact that my eyes were glassing over must have showed because he interrupted his own tirade about man hours versus cuban peppers or something with:  “What did YOU do last week?”  He apparently finds my work no more interesting than I find his, because I actually saw him nodding off in the middle of my “turning over the accounts” story. 

He’ll be retiring soon!  Home all the time, hanging out with only me to talk to.  Medical technology being what it is, we could be stuck together for another 20 years!  Something attracted us to each other in the first place and we didn’t spend ALL of our alone time these first 26 years making kids.  I told him that.  While he thought about an answer, I mentally fretted over the long stretch of yawning, blank, silent time ahead. 

“If someone stole my identity, that would probably be a good thing.  I wonder how long it would even take us to notice it?”  He finally said.  Now that’s something to talk about. 

**************************** 

Don’t forget the Murder For Hire blog book tour!  The schedule with links is in my sidebar, and tomorrow Dana will be guest posting here!  Luckily, she really does have something to talk about.  Leave a comment and your name will go into the hat for a chance at a free copy. 

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Reality Shows MFH An Interview with Dana, Screenplay and Novel Writing

19 Comments Add your own

  • 1. John Linna  |  January 21, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    I don’t know if what you talk about is as important as finding things to do together. Betty and I have the model train. I do the train part she does the village. We work side by side.

    Reply
  • 2. colleen  |  January 21, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    Put some music on and get up and dance! That’s a fun language. I like talk but not when it’s just a rundown of things that already happened. The best talk is when we talk about what we’ve been going through emotionally, admitting our fears, validating our strengths and stuff like that.

    Reply
  • 3. Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah)  |  January 21, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    LOL! Pap sounds like D – ask a question and then settle back and wait a very long time for the answer while the contemplative cogs go round and round and round…

    Reply
  • 4. katcampbell  |  January 21, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    Dr. John – I couldn’t agree more. Pap has an interest in trains and I bought him a starter set last Christmas (2006). Its still in the box, but that’s probably more a time and space issue than a lack of interest.

    Colleen – If your husband talks about fears, etc., you’ve hit the jackpot. Pap couldn’t identify an emotion if it leapt on his face.

    AV – You also have a contemplative man!

    Reply
  • 5. Nessa  |  January 21, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    This is so funny. I was thinking about this today. My husband and I are totally different with completely different interests except we really like each other, understand each other and neither of us could live with anyone else (we’ve both tried.)

    Dr. John’s idea is great. It’s what we do.

    We go to the shore together so QV can fish and I take pictures or read. That kind of thing.

    Reply
  • 6. Kim  |  January 21, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    This post made me snort. It sounds like the beginning to a lovely story, actually. Will it be?

    Mr. Froth and I talk a lot, for which I’m grateful. In fact I’m sure both of us would like the other to just STFU sometimes.

    Reply
  • 7. katcampbell  |  January 22, 2008 at 12:45 am

    Nessa – Eventually we’ll find that common area where we have something we do together. Counting on my blog friends like you to give us ideas!

    Reply
  • 8. katcampbell  |  January 22, 2008 at 12:49 am

    Kim – It’ll turn out okay, if we have nothing else, we have love.

    Reply
  • 9. Barb  |  January 22, 2008 at 1:59 am

    G’day Kat.
    Marriage after 26+ years is like a comfortable pair of old shoes, you need to go out and buy a new pair.
    Make a date with rules, No tallking about family matters, money matters or the kids and grandgirls.
    There is so much happening in our world that you should have heaps to talk about.
    The day I spent with Pap was one of the highlights of my trip,
    we were complete strangers, but the conversation just flowed.
    I know that he was entertaining a visitor, so make your self
    a visitor into his life for just a day.. He may just surprise you.
    Both of you are in a ditch. some people say a rut, not me.
    for a rut normally goes somewhere. Remember the drives we all had, Pap rarely stopped talking. Go somewhere neither of you have been before.
    Do not let the love die . Everything dies if it is not fed.
    Even my comments are a ramble. Enough said.
    Hugs
    Barb

    Reply
  • 10. QuillDancer  |  January 22, 2008 at 3:18 am

    Kat — I’ll just repeat what’s already been said — if it’s important, work at it. You know, you could introduce him to blogging ….

    Reply
  • 11. katcampbell  |  January 22, 2008 at 6:44 am

    Barb – Maybe you should just come live with me full time!

    Quilly – That we will, we had quite a lively discussion about identity theft.

    Reply
  • 12. Jan  |  January 22, 2008 at 7:01 am

    Kat…I’m a newbie dropping in. I can definitely relate. Been married 32 years here. After the kids grew up and moved out, I wondered who this person was I wss living with! =)It’s an adventure, isn’t it? lol

    Reply
  • 13. katcampbell  |  January 22, 2008 at 7:31 am

    Jan – Welcome! 32 years…man, send me some tips!

    Reply
  • 14. zhadi  |  January 22, 2008 at 10:10 am

    You’ve touched on one of my greatest fears – running out of things to talk about with my partner that we both find interesting. So far so good… we’re both writers, so that’s a common bond. But it really scares me sometimes. I always default to talking about our cats…

    Reply
  • 15. Little old me  |  January 22, 2008 at 11:21 am

    As john as said I think it is finding something something to do together, but is it that bad if you don’t talk all the time? If its a Comfortable silence that comes from knowing each other so well after that many years, that’s Ok. As long as you talk through the important things, worries, and what made you laugh that day, it will be OK.

    Reply
  • 16. Delmonti (Dave)  |  January 22, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    KAT!!

    Of course we’re still friends!! I was only pulling ya leg…. This limey has sense of humour 😉

    Reply
  • 17. katcampbell  |  January 22, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    Dana – Its my own fault. I married Pap because he was hot, not because he was a great conversationalist.

    LOM – Nah, its not bad if we don’t talk all the time, but a married couple ought to be able to have a conversation once in awhile don’t ya think?

    Dave – Just making sure….

    Reply
  • 18. rel  |  January 22, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    Kat,
    40 years here and still going. It helps that we are both in the health profession, but in different places doing different things. Even so the overlap can lead to some interestiong if not lively discussions.
    An arguement from time to time is good to get the adrenalin flowing, just make sure to fight clean and make up when your done!
    We garden together; she the flower beds, i do the vegetable garden.
    We shovel snow together and snow shoe and cross-country ski together. We kayak together and apart too. We go for walks together. We share an interest in photography. We are both avid readers but rarely do we read the same books.
    There’s cards, scrabble and monopoly, jigsaw puzzles, and cooking.
    That’s enough for this comment. 😉
    rel

    Reply
  • 19. Gela Words  |  February 3, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Oh Kat I just love you. I really feel bad about finding humour in something that’s potentially sad. You’re always so refreshingly open about things that are happening in your life. Certainly makes your blog interesting and enjoyable to read. But I have to admit, I did burst out laughing at the when you wrote about your eyes glassing over and him nodding off in your account of your day. Oh Lord. But that’s so sad, and it happens all the time. funny, I just finished reading a novel where one character the housewife was griping about her husband retiring and ‘intruding’ on her space. Oh life.

    Reply

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Shortly after I learned to use a spoon, I learned to use a pencil. Crippled by shyness as a child, I found that the things I couldn't say out loud, I could say with a pen, and then a typewriter. The shyness was overcome with education and age...but the need to write has never left me.

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