Repercussions
April 26, 2008 at 10:43 pm 17 comments
When Pap and I took custody of the oldest two grandgirls over a year ago, removing them from the nightmare our oldest daughter had created through alcohol, drugs and men who treat her like a punching bag…I commented to him that I was concerned that the girls were not exhibiting the anger, fear, frustration, or angst I thought they should considering what they’d been through. They settled into my house with very little problem. They laughed and giggled all the time, had good grades at school and really enjoyed their visits with their mother as she got her life back on track. When Children’s Services cleared my daughter’s case and the girls moved back in with her, they were excited to reunite their family. Happy to be back with Mom. Most of the family thought we’d dodged a bullet…call me pessimistic, but I knew the gavel would eventually fall. Nobody goes through what they did without getting totally and royally pissed.
My daughter is finding out that nobody exists in a vacuum. Everything we do or say affects somebody else and results in repercussions. If you’re sending out good – that’s what bounces back. If not – you get the ten year old daughter from Hell. Now that the pressure is off and life at her house looks like it did at my house, Jazz is thoroughly and completely furious at her mother. From screaming tantrums to name calling to open rebellion on chores and curfews…she’s giving it back. But the worst part of this ugly scenario, is Jazz doesn’t know why she’s angry, she’s just mad all the time and usually out of proportion to the situation at hand. What’s saddest to me is seeing the light seeping out of this child that occupies such a piece of my heart. Counseling is forthcoming, and my hope is that the psychiatrist is successful, because too many of these pictures keep showing up on my camera. 
Entry filed under: Family, Life, The Grandkids. Tags: anger, kids, parenting.
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kat's random thoughts 
1.
LauraJ | April 27, 2008 at 1:01 am
That is the same face my niece shows more often than not. (Due to similar issues as your grand’s homelife) Anything will set her off…and it’s not about potato salat either is it? I mean when she cries for potato salad like someone died I know it’s deeper than potato salad. Children have a hard time dealing with emotions. Anger most of all. I do hope that counselling does work in your grand’s case. In my niece’s case…nothing is being done. I talked to the mom today about her other daughter’s fascination with suicide and lack of self-esteem. Her reply was I bought her all new clothes this week, she’s better. Sorry but she will outgrow those clothes and still be depressed. I’m a bit concerned for my niece. I’ll be talking to her as much as I can without being pushy. I’ve been down that road before…suicidal thoughts.
I think in all thier cases its allowing them to talk out thier feelings without being judged. Now to look up some websites with good information on how to deal with adolescent girls!
2.
Dave D | April 27, 2008 at 1:26 am
I wouldnt know how to deal with this. I hope I never have to. Sorry this is short, but I’m, sticking ,my head in the sand for now.
3.
hammer | April 27, 2008 at 3:04 am
Sorry your grandkids are going through this. From what I understand the anger is normal and healthy to a point.
I sure hope theyare able to get over it and get on with being happy kids.
4.
katcampbell | April 27, 2008 at 7:14 am
Laura J – You’ve nailed it! Jazz’s latest melt down was over cinnamon rolls. It’s tough being a kid.
Dave – I hope you never, ever see this with Emily. I’m sure you won’t.
Hammer – I hope she gets over it too.
5.
Janet | April 27, 2008 at 5:55 pm
It’s tough being a kid, and it’s tougher when they don’t know why they’re feeling the way they do. I hope she gets through this and blossoms.
6.
rel | April 27, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Kat,
It’ll require a lot of patience and understanding to unravel this mess. Faith and being there are a great start.
rel
7.
Hayden | April 28, 2008 at 3:35 am
she’s got you and pap and knows what stability is. that puts her head and shoulders above most who have these home problems. I’m told anger doesn’t come out until they feel safe, so I guess that’s the good news.
8.
anhinga | April 28, 2008 at 4:19 am
And we thought we were finished with the worries when our children became adults. I, too, look at their little faces and wonder how different points in their lives might affect them in the future. It is such a helpless feeling, even more than with our own kids. Let’s hope this anger is a breakthrough that will lead to something better. You’ll have to keep in mind that at her age there is the beginning of a lot of angst minus the past turmoil. I know she has a refuge with you and Pap and a safe, snuggle place. Sometimes that’s all we can be.
9.
Little old me | April 28, 2008 at 4:04 pm
My first marriage was violent, I didn’t stay married very long and hoped that it would not affect my son and he was very young, it was nearly 14 years later when he got the better of him and he started self harming. It tore me apart; I hadn’t been quick enough to get him out of the situation. Now my son is 26 and doing well.
10.
vaianp | April 28, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Kat:
First, Thanks for your kind words they mean a lot. Seocnd, I can understand what you are going through with your grandkids. It very similar to what I have gone through and continue to with my older boys. It has taken almost 3 years of therapy for our older son to be able to understand many of his feelings. He will now admit in his case he has much anger towrds his past and it takes time to cope and learn from it. You are going in the right direction. Hang in there!
~Ian
11.
stacy | April 28, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Oh, Kat. My heart goes out to all of you, especially Jazz. I’ll be praying that the counseling helps her sort things out and let go of the anger.
12.
smielymamaT | April 28, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Oh, my heart aches for her. What a sad expression… it’s so hard when things feel unstable and you really don’t know why you are just…so..angry. I’m glad there is counseling happening. I have to second anhinga…”I know she has a refuge with you and Pap and a safe, snuggle place. Sometimes that’s all we can be.”
13.
katherine. | April 30, 2008 at 6:52 pm
My two younger children (ha – 20 and 17….not so young) were gifts….not mine by birth. They lost their own Mom to cancer when they were very young. The 20 year old has battled anger issues since she was about five. At each age they manifest differently…and while difficult for those of us around her….far more difficult for her.
Not to mention the everyday teenage girl shit they (we) all go through.
what a blessing they have you in their lives!
14.
katherine. | April 30, 2008 at 6:56 pm
not that it is the same….but when Lauren was around ten her anger would spike about once a week….now at 20….it spikes about once every six to eight months…
she didn’t really understand (or accept) why she was angry until 13/14
a little therapy and a whole lot of love helps.
15.
diesel | May 6, 2008 at 9:00 am
Oh, Kat, I’m sorry. I hope she works through things and comes out alright on the other side.
16.
frothingatlemouse | May 9, 2008 at 9:30 am
Kat, I’m sorry everybody is having to deal with this, especially the kids. Bless you and prayers for the kiddos and all y’all.
17.
Zhadi | June 10, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Oh, Kat, I hope this all turns out well for everyone involved. Your granddaughter is a beautiful girl; she looks so sad in that picture, though. Fingers crossed counseling helps her deal with the anger!