**sigh**of relief

September 3, 2007 at 1:53 am 22 comments

It’s Sunday, usually my sleep until I wake up day.  My piddle about crafting, painting, writing day.  My one bren-goofy.jpgday of the week that I’m totally indulgent and do only what I want to do.  But this Sunday I woke up at 5:00 to this face yelling for “Nana”.  I could hear the TV blaring in the living room which meant that “Grap-paw” (Juliette’s version of Pap’s moniker)grandgirls-september-together.jpg had left the idiot box on for one of these faces.  All of this combined reminded me that this particular Sunday was not my own…at least this morning.  Its been a hideous and rather enlightening few days.  I’ve learned a few things about domestic violence and a system that doesn’t work.  I’ve seen the frustration of law enforcement trying to live by the law instead of its spirit and the callousness of the judicial system.  I’ve seen first hand that Children’s Services isn’t the monster agency so often portrayed in books and movies, and even by me, but just a bunch of struggling civil servants trying to have intimate knowledge of too many kids and too many parents. 

On Tuesday night my lost daughter was nearly strangled to death by the dirt bag she’s been living with for the last five years. The noise was so frightening a downstairs neighbor called the police.   She fought him and locked herself and my grandgirls in the bathroom.    The officers arrived as he kicked in the door.  The baby was screaming, Jazz, Bri and Juliette were crying.  They explained everything to the officer who took them away from their mother to question them.  The neighbor came up and explained she’d called because she feared for my daughter’s life having witnessed this consciousless perversion of humanity knocking her friend around nearly every day.  The landlord came and explained that there were never any problems unless “he” was around.  The cuffs came out and the officers arrested my daughter. 

Did you just stop reading and go “what”?   I know that’s what I did when the phone call came to tell me she was in jail, I couldn’t bail her out but would I come get her kids.  I still can’t wrap my head around how she was the one they arrested.  She’s 5′ tall, 120 pounds.  He’s 6′, 190.  Who could imagine that she could ever cause any real damage to him?  Apparently the police who responded to the call were looking at my angry, frightened, screaming, swearing daughter and the scumbag who knows how to work the system… he had scratches on him and the world savvy to know to keep quiet.  Her bruises didn’t show up until later.  So they arrested her.  It gets worse (or better depending on your viewpoint), he not only wouldn’t tell the police the truth, he asked, and received, a protection order against her.  If it wasn’t so pathetic it would be funny. 

A long story to explain that stuffed into my apartment are now four more little bodies (the smallest of which never sleeps and found, in under fifteen minutes, everything I should have already baby proofed).   I will probably do more lurking than commenting or writing for the next week or so.  Today’s update was courtesy of an understanding Aunt that has toted the four noisy little love bugs off to a BBQ.  Hence the ***sigh*** of relief.

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Entry filed under: The Grandkids, Uncategorized.

The Commute Silver Linings

22 Comments Add your own

  • 1. hayden  |  September 3, 2007 at 5:37 am

    oh, kat! I’m so sorry! I hope this gets straightened out and she and the kids are able to stay away from him.

    Reply
  • 2. Dave m  |  September 3, 2007 at 2:16 pm

    God Kat you certainly have your work cut out. Hope you get everything sorted out soon but it sounds as if you’re going to be very busy.

    Reply
  • 3. Delmonti (Dave)  |  September 3, 2007 at 3:26 pm

    Kat…. If I could I would award you something special. I have no idea what it would be…. I’d probably make it your choice.

    If it helps then I’d like to tell someone off for you, I know it woudnt make any difference but reading that last post has me wanting to shout at someone!

    Reply
  • 4. lauraj  |  September 3, 2007 at 5:19 pm

    I’m in the same position. Watching stupid people make stupid choices with little ones I love around watching everything and there’s not a whole hell of a lot that I can do. Big big hugs Kat.

    Reply
  • 5. J.  |  September 3, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    NO WAY!!!
    Holy crap Kat. Is she still in there?
    What a scumbag.

    And you, again, the rock.
    xoxox

    Reply
  • 6. Jon M  |  September 3, 2007 at 11:32 pm

    A moving post! How could anyone act violently with those beautiful little faces looking at them? I hope the pendulum swings in your daughter’s favour Kat!

    Reply
  • 7. QuillDancer  |  September 4, 2007 at 2:40 am

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

    Reply
  • 8. Mr. Fabulous  |  September 4, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    Oh my God, this just sickens me. This is unbelievable.

    If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

    Reply
  • 9. colleen  |  September 4, 2007 at 6:10 pm

    I read with shock and then disgust at what happened. It’s common that abusers can be very slick and calculating and project their own stuff onto others. Remember when OJ said he felt like the abused victim in his relationship with Nicole? if they are sick enough to beat another human being, they are sick enough to rationalized and justify it.

    Reply
  • 10. stacy  |  September 4, 2007 at 9:08 pm

    OH, God bless you, Kat! You are sure going to need it in the coming days. I’m so sorry the cops arrived to find your daughter fighting for her life and decided she was the risk. If nothing else comes out of this, perhaps it will give her the courage to make the break. I pray it does.

    Reply
  • 11. John Linna  |  September 5, 2007 at 3:55 am

    They need a new police force or one that is better trained. I certainly will pray for you as you are pulled into all of this. My experience with people like your daughter was that they kept finding losers who mistreated them. They were very hard to counsel. But sometimes the grandparents made all the difference.

    Reply
  • 12. bobciz  |  September 5, 2007 at 5:29 am

    How can such a travesty happen? Were the cops who responded blind, deaf, and totally dumb? Who trained them?

    I pray your daughter has the strength to leave that pitiful excuse for a man and give her kids the life they deserve.

    As usual, Kat, you are there to pick up the pieces. Can you give your daughter some of your strength somehow?

    Reply
  • 13. Catch  |  September 6, 2007 at 3:16 am

    Oh Kat..I so understand. And I know your heart is aching for those little girls. Its not easy being a Grandma sometimes is it? If only we had the strength and enegy to keep these little ones safe forever. My prayers are with you Kat.

    Reply
  • 14. Linda  |  September 6, 2007 at 7:35 am

    Thank God that your daughter has you to fall back on. I hope that she stays away from this guy. What kind of man would try to hurt a woman in front of her children. I am so sorry for them, but again I am thankful that they have you.

    Reply
  • 15. Nessa  |  September 7, 2007 at 12:06 am

    Kat, I am so sorry for you and your grandchildren. I wish for the best for all of you. I hope your daughter can get away from this guy and resolve her troubles.

    Reply
  • 16. Diesel  |  September 7, 2007 at 11:48 pm

    That is sickening. I hope and pray everything turns out ok.

    Reply
  • 17. Jay  |  September 8, 2007 at 12:36 am

    Holy cow, Kat. You poor thing. What a lot to swallow in just a few hours, a few days….
    If you need to talk, my email address is in my profile. Big hugs, sweetie.

    Reply
  • 18. katherine.  |  September 8, 2007 at 7:00 am

    damn.

    hope the real story comes out soon…get her an excellent attorney…prayers for you all…especially your little grandgirls who had to witness and take part …

    Reply
  • 19. jackiesgarden  |  September 9, 2007 at 9:16 am

    Kat, I’m so sorry about your daughter’s problem, and so very grateful that the grandgirls have you and Pap in their lives. I’ll be praying that things work out for your daughter, and that she is able to leave the scumbag. You are so strong. Thank God.

    Reply
  • 20. nessa  |  September 9, 2007 at 11:28 pm

    I am sure you are busy, but I wanted to invite you, too.

    Are you game? Please play with me.

    Reply
  • 21. frothingatlemouse  |  September 10, 2007 at 7:11 am

    I’ll pray for you and yours and hope that whatever sumbitch has skirted out of whatever retribution is required gets his soon.

    Reply
  • 22. Gawpo  |  September 18, 2007 at 10:15 pm

    This is terrible. But I see it happening here, too. I was not the investigating officer. But I would suggest you pony up the 15 bucks (or whatever they charge) to read the police report.

    I wasn’t there. You can also speak with the officer who arrested her. You can ask him what he was told by the children, the scumbag, and your daughter.

    I have no doubt that your daughter is the victim here, Kat. None whatsoever. Unfortunately, being deeply entrenched in the cycle of domestic abuse does have moments when the victim places herself in situations that make her the suspect. How can I say that? By seeing it over and over and over and over.

    As you put it so well—the legal thing is not always the right thing. But in domestic assault cases, the law take discretion entirely out of the hands of the individual officer. It is a law that says, “If A happens, then B shall occur.” And B is always an arrest. Always. And the legal thing is painfully not always the right thing. The district attorney will go from here. You can always call and speak with the attorney for the state. AND you can call the victim’s advocate with their office.

    I have seen females come into custody in situations just like this and the first thing I do is call our advocacy center and fill them in on what I think happened, based on my interview with the female “suspect.”

    Your daughter needs to write down every single thing she can remember about what was said, who touched whom and in what manner, the sequence, etc.

    Hang in there.

    And do not hesitate to write emails to legislators and the newspapers, either.

    Hugs. G

    Reply

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